If somebody had told me that the anxious feeling I always had a a kid would persist as depression in adulthood I would have wondered what was the point of such an existence? Not as in “I can’t continue”, but as in why would God or whoever put someone on this earth to suffer a miserable life.
I don’t get up each day thinking desperate thoughts. I have periods of mild depression interspersed with a general persistent feeling of being “down”. Of course I have periods of happiness, but the periods of melancholy often outweight the happy times. Is it right to feel like this? Am I just burdened by modern life, with too much time to reflect on being unhappy? What makes someone see the same situations happily and someone like me see them as adding to my gloominess?
More importantly, what do I do to be happier? This goal has plagued me throughout my adult life. Despite all the work I do to change my mindset, to make myself happier or to perceive life more happily, I do think that this is a persistent state, unchangeable except through medication, which I am not prepared to do. I fear being labelled, although I have already labelled myself.
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