The babe and I had our eight week post-natal check yesterday. I’m tired but I have enjoyed the last eight weeks, enjoyed getting to know my new baby. I’m definitely in love.
So it was something of a surprise when the health visitor assessed my Edinburgh Test and declared me on the borderline of suffering from post-natal depression.
Since yesterday I have been wondering about this. I can come to only one conclusion and that is that I am always suffering from mild depression. I think I have always suspected this but it depresses me! to have it confirmed.
So I am going to spend some time over the next few days seeing whether there are steps I can take to make myself happier, to improve my underlying happiness. I don’t know what this will entail and I don’t know who or what can help me find some answers. I am not spiritual but I feel I need something in life which provides a cornerstone for how I feel, what I believe in. I have a sense of community but not really a sense of identity (particularly now as a mother). I need to take more exercise. I want to lose more pregnancy weight than I have (those Mars Bars have taken their toll on my self-esteem). I need more close relationships and a wider circle of like-minded friends (I’ve been working on this one in the last few weeks). I want to listen to more music, loudly.
What makes the average person happy aside from family and friends? And I mean long-term happiness, not the things that bring instant, short-lived gratification. Is it work? Hobbies? Or something less tangible? Or does short-term gratification oft-repeated bring about underlying happiness and satisfaction with life?
Tell me, because the Health Visitor has threatened to come a-calling. And I can think of better ways to spend next Monday morning than discussing my mental health with a stranger.
{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
I know you said you’re not spiritual, so maybe that’s the avenue to explore? At any rate, hang in there – us Mom’s out here in blog land are cheering for you. And thanks for sharing your journey!
I experienced the blues after my little Bee was born. The strange thing is that I didn’t even realize it until the blues were gone! Just one day a fog lifted and I was me again. Weird.
I wish that someone would have pointed it out to me. I’m glad that your doctor is on top of things!
Although I never suffered from full-blown PPD, I think I may be borderline depressive all the time, too. I know from the therapy years that not getting enough sleep sends me spiraling down; if that’s the case with you, having a newborn might contribute to the feeling of the blues.
It sounds to me like you are on the right track. Exercise can increase your endorphins. Getting together with other adults can help (or can hurt! Depends upon the people in your circle of friends!) Music is so much a part of your being that you definitely should be making time to make it, even if the muse doesn’t appear to be calling… I know I feel better when I am indulging my creative urges…
Good luck, Ella!
Since I have been battling depression I know what helps me is to be with friends with kids the same age. They can relate and help me through my tough times. Also to get as much sleep as I can. When I don’t sleep well, no one is happy! I love to listen to music too. It makes me happy and when the kids and I start dancing around I forget all my worries. Good luck on finding your way. I will have to bookmark your new site!
I can recommend Landmark for their courses. You might find them worth a look.
http://www.landmarkeducation.com/
Sorry to hear what the HV had to say. Basic needs, eg sleep, food and exercise, are the most important then you need to take care of the other things like relationships and spiritual stuff. Please e-mail me: I’ve had similar problems but am feeling much happier now and I’d be more than happy to share my experiences.
Thanks for your support and sympathy on my blog from the other night. It was helpful. As a mother of 2 older kids, and a mental health professional, I can tell you that post-partum depression is as common as swollen boobs. A lot of it is hormonal, but some of it, as you indicated, may be the hormones exaggerating an allready exsisting underlying depression. What to do? Well, my personal and professional experience tells me to get support from friends (be them on line or elsewhere), hang in there with faith that it will pass, and if need be seek professional help if if doesn’t get better soon. It’s better to talk to strange mental health provider who can help, then to feel crummy all the time. It’s not only better for you, but your baby as well. Please keep in touch and let me know how it’s going.
Oh Ella,
I wish I knew the happiness solution. For me meds were totally the answer (I know they aren’t for everyone, back away Tom Cruise, just back away). I had people suggesting everything under the sun to me – talk to a therapist; no, don’t be introspective, volunteer instead; exercise; relax; eat more; eat less; blah blah blah. Once my seratonin was brought into balance I do what I always did but I’m just more content with it.
Will big hugs from bloggy pals help? If so, I’m sending you a dump truck FULL of them!
Like you, I think I’m borderline depressive all the time. I’ve been treated for it on and off all my adult life. I’m currently being weaned off the latest round of antidepressants following a particularly nasty episode upon my return to work following Maternity Leave.
I’ve done a number of things to help myself; new hobbies (photography, web design), making an effort to speak to and see friends even though it’s hard when you work full time and have a little one, I’m getting some exercise, I’m trying (unsuccessfully!) lose weight to try and improve my self esteem, we go out as a family at the weekend, I don’t drink as much as I used to.
It’s all hard work and I’m very busy but it seems to be working for me.
I’ve been battling depression on some level for years. Mommyhood has definitely given it a boost. Meds were a last resort for me, but it’s been the ONLY thing to help.
Much love to you, Ella! I’ve found that lasting happiness for me often relies on my ability to put myself first occasionally, and indulge some of the parts of myself that get lost in mothering. It’s still a struggle, and my youngest is three.
I require a lot of quiet downtime to recharge mentally, and I simply don’t get it. Blogging helps me put a funny spin and perspective on the day-to-day…I find that my life is much more interesting when told as a story.
With three kids, the ratio of adults to kids is all screwed up, and it can feel like you are in constant triage, trying to meet the needs of everyone. Take some time for yourself, too. Happiness (for me) is being in balance. I’ve spent years denying that I needed to have a life outside of my family, and now that I’ve begun to reclaim it, the balance is coming back.
I’ve got no advice for you but I can certainly throw some more bloggy hugs your way