A life in the day – the better one.

7.00 Hear husband getting children up. Close my eyes again and go back to sleep.

8.15 Awake to hear only blissful silence. Smile smugly as I remember I am probably the only one in the party who isn’t suffering a major hangover (the last ones got to bed at 3am after drinking the remainder of the booze while in the hot tub fully clothed). Shower, feed the baby then stroll across to the main cottage in the gorgeous sunshine. All the children are playing together having had their breakfast. I get coffee and sit on the terrace with a newspaper. Feel momentarily like I never had children.

9.00 The first of the hangovers stumbles in. By 10.00 everyone has surfaced and the champagne is opened (today is my sister’s birthday and the reason for the weekend away). The noise level starts to rise.

10.30 We head out with all the children for a ride on a steam train. The children are wild with excitement. The adults are looking mostly quite green.

12.00 We decide to have lunch at a local beach. With nearly 30 in the party we take over the tables in the beach restaurant. The children head off with buckets and spades, the adults with frisbees and beach cricket. As I’m all alone I get chatting to a mum at the next table with twins. Within minutes we are joined by the twins’ dad. I’m very impressed because their dad is John Hannah

and I love John Hannah but of course it is not the done thing to gush at celebrities when they are off-duty so we chat while they admire my (incredibly beautiful) baby and we swap stories about the horrendous things toddlers get up to. Nobody mentions the word “famous!” but it hangs in the air. I congratulate myself on being so nonchalant.

The beach is award-winning and the restaurant serves only organic food so I am pretty impressed.

3.00 Get back to the Estate. Take the children for a swim. Someone else takes them to dry off while I lounge in the jacuzzi. I lie back and think about nothing.

4.30 We gather in the main cottage to feed the children. After supper we arrange races with the single aim of tiring the children out. Most of the adults are getting started on happy hour. There are so many children that they amuse themselves without whining at their parents once. I picture the village raising the children and think about moving into a commune. Decide I’m not cut out for communal living. Wonder if we can move in here instead (for free).

5.00 The girls in the party without children point out that it is only two hours until dinner and they should think about getting ready. The girls in the party with children sigh, roll their eyes and picture themselves throwing their party clothes on at 6.59. Those without children disappear to dress and do whatever it takes two hours to do. I send the children round the lawn a few more times to really tire them out. Happy hour moves officially into cocktail hour.

Bathtime, story, bed. 6.59 Start putting my dress on and attempting to do my hair while feeding the baby. Eldest Son senses something is up and asks me where I am going. I fumble a lie. Eldest Son is not to be fobbed off. Eldest Son asks specific questions about why I am wearing a dress. Sigh with relief as babysitter turns up. Am even more relieved when it turns out she is related to the creator of Thomas the Tank Engine and therefore has the children engrossed. Slip out before any more questions. Take Youngest Son with us across courtyard in incredibly high heels. Pray that Youngest Son won’t require walking up and down corridor for several hours to get to sleep.

The party is in full swing. Eat incredible food until my fat-busting Spanx pants feel like they are about to burst. Think how I could have talked about Gwynnie Paltrow’s Spanx pants with John Hannah then remember that’s why I shouldn’t be allowed to talk to celebrities.Baby sleeps until 11.30 (perfect baby). Party is in full swing. Nobody is in the hot tub fully clothed yet but it is only a matter of time. I’m not drinking so I slope off back to cottage to feed the baby feeling a little wistful at having to miss the rest of the party.

Then smile smugly as I think how I will be the only one in the party not suffering a major hangover tomorrow.

(With thanks to my lovely sister for providing the perfect day.)