Updated: Okay, sorry about the comments not working. I’m not sure what I did to break them and I’m even less sure what I did to fix them. In short, never ever hire me as your blog site designer.
A little while ago Geepeemum asked me whether, as she has two beautiful children, a girl and a boy, she would be crazy to consider having a third. Olivia also asked me whether we were planning on having another child. There are timely questions for me and Matthew as we consider whether, as we already have three wonderful – but very young – boys, we would be stark raving mad to have a fourth child. My last pregnancy was dreadful and Ben’s first year was tricky to say the least, and these things are weighing heavily on my mind as we decide whether we have the strength to go through another hideous pregnancy and the pretty horrendous first six months of sleep deprivation with a newborn. Also, I now homeschool my children. My husband isn’t here much. My children are all still so young. I’m lucky if I get ten minutes to myself a day at the moment as it is. These things tell my rational self: no way.
Some of my friends are adamant they don’t want any more children. They know their families are complete. Others are less certain: they ask me how I know I want another baby. The answer is simple: I know that if I don’t have another, I will regret it all my life. For all the hard moments with small children there are the moments that make life worth living. And I mean really worth living. The moments that make you think this is what I am here for, this role, these children. And of course there are all the other small moments which bring joy: first smiles, milky-sleepy faces, freshly-washed heads, bedtime cuddles, toddler stories that make you laugh which bore others rigid when retold. All those things that you can count at the end of the day, even if heavily outweighed by the awful things they have done, that make you realise you can face another day.
And so I know that despite all the initial hardships it will bring, we will have another baby.
Which is just as well.
Because there was a blue line on the stick yesterday.