I peed in a cup. I waited an hour and a half. Then the consultant spent three and a half minutes telling me that a VBAC was entirely possible seeing as I had achieved one already and that was it.
The upside of the appointment is that she said I don’t have to go back to the hospital unless I go overdue (I’m pretty sure I went several times last pregnancy) so I will not have to endure such another waste of a morning.
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I find it really interesting that those who commented on my last post and those I have spoken to who have had c-sections have found them (me included) to be such a positive birth experience. I know that there are a lot of positive vaginal (sorry, awful term, but can’t think of another less awful term) birth experiences but there are also a lot of awful ones (mine included). I know that a VBAC is the right thing to attempt (best for mine and the baby’s health, especially if the consultant has said it is safe) but I’m already dreading it (but in a bury-my-head-in-the-sand kind of way) even though it’s 25+ weeks away.
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Finally, FINALLY, the sickness has stopped. The nausea remains, sometimes as bad as ever, but my appetite has partly returned so I am at last eating something other than chocolate cake and this baby stands a chance of getting some basic nutrition. And I no longer fear throwing up in worrying places, like the grocery store, or at preschool, and that helps. Not to mention the fact that the people who work in these places no longer need to look at me with that wary look like I’m a shoplifter.
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So you’d have thought that I would be feeling pretty good, right? But I feel really low. Lots of stuff going on, Matthew may be away a lot more over the coming months, we may be moving (hassle), we may not be moving (just as much hassle because we need to), homeschool is not working, I’m tired and Harry is going through a phase – of being frightened at night, frightened of being left in the car when I pop back inside to get my bag even though he can still see and hear me, crying several times a day and annoying the hell out of his brothers. I need a break from him and as usual I can’t help but feel that school might be the answer, especially as things get set to get more busy and tiring around here in the next few months.
I find it hard to judge if I need help for these low periods. I’m just coming to the end of ten terrible weeks and I’m feeling physically very low. Is that, combined with a few weeks of poor sleep and my eldest son going through this ‘tricky’ phase enough reason to be feeling so low? If I’m sitting on the floor dissolving into tears because I’ve had enough, that makes me think I should be doing something to deal with it.
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
Sending you a big hug Ella. You have such alot on your plate at the moment. Could you maybe take a break, have an evening out with the girls now you are feeling a bit better, go shopping or do something just for you? If you’re on the floor in tears you need a break. Can someone else get up with Harry so you can get some sleep? When your body is physically better and you’ve had some sleep and maybe a break THEN you might need to think about other ways of dealing with feeling low.
I am amazed, as always, how you cope! But everyone needs a break sometimes and now it’s your turn!
I will attest to the fact that lack of proper sleep combined with a stressed physical state is a recipe for sitting on the floor in tears. I thought I needed medication for my depression but then, I started to sleep at night and got tighter control of my diabetes and voila! my depessed state lifted. You’ve been under tremendous stress it’s no wonder you feel like cracking! But, the worst is over and everything will work it’s self out for the best, it always does.
You definitely need some time away, even if it is just for an hour or so. It should not take you crumpled in a heap on the floor to get some alone time, but I know that’s just how it happens sometimes. I took a much needed break yesterday away from the family. I spent a couple hours in the bookstore by myself, drank some silly, “specialty” pumpkin flavored coffee drink, wrote in my notebook, perused some books and just breathed without the ring of “Mommy!!” in my ears for a while. It was heavenly. And what a treat to come home to the husband with the baby on his hip, trying to make dinner while the other two ran around in circles. He managed well enough so I said, “Well, I’ll have to do this more often, then!” He nodded, smiling warily. Priceless.
It sounds like a little time away, however brief will really help you recharge, a bit. Reach out to someone you trust very soon so you can take some time for yourself. I know it’s hard to ask, but it will do you a world of good.
(((((hugs))))) Just ride the wave, eat your greens
and know that everything comes to an end at some point. This too shall pass.
If you want to talk out your homeschooling woes, do drop by TDJ. There are many women who go through the same feelings as you and the advice that’s given by the wonderful women there is invaluable. E-mail me if you wanna chat.
I’m so sorry. I don’t think that anything is harder than being pregnant and looking after little ones. The last two times I’ve been expecting, all I could think was ‘Is it me. How do other mothers do it. Why can’t I?’ Plus the sickness and the lack of sleep and all the stress you are dealing with. Haven’t any answers because I never really found any myself. I felt better when circumstances changed, it was as simple and as frustrating as that. I just wanted to say it isn’t something wrong with you. In an ideal world we would have wonderful, warm supportive communities around us in times like this. Ho hum. Yes, it will pass and in the meantime get whatever help you can from wherever you can. Bless you.
You poor thing! The pregnancy hormones have not gone away even though the sickness has lessened, don’t forget that! Them’s some powerful drugs too. And you have a lot on your plate… Hang in there.
Oh, Ella. I wish I could sit on the floor with you and cry. And then pick you up and make you a cup of coffee and some cookies, and listen to it all in person. I wish I could make this easier for you….