I am a softie. I do sentimental in a big way. I cry a lot, often with happiness.
I gravitate to kind people, people with big hearts, people who love dogs, people who care.
My favourite songs are all uplifting, soaring (my all time favourite – Elbow’s One Day Like This: throw those curtains wide! one day like this a year’d see me right).
I love my children, my family, with a passion that threatens to hurt.
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I’ll let you in on a little secret. I cannot write satisfactorily about stuff like this.
The best writers, in my mind, are those that turn cloying sentimentality into something that makes your heart beat a little faster, their turn of phrase making you nod your head in tacit agreement.
That’s not me.
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Yet, yet, I am unbearably happy at the moment. I have been for a long time.
There is so much that is good: my husband who works so hard so that we can live the life we do, who trains so hard in order to raise money for our son, who drives home from looking after his father – who needs him more – to look after us, who loves me even when I am brittle after another long day with the children; my children who mean everything to me and who, in the blink of an eye- in four blinks of an eye – taught me how to love completely, fearfully and unconditionally, who teach me to learn to be patient, to work at being a better parent, a better person; our house, which is nothing special, but is, because it holds so many perfect memories of our lives; the work/life balance I have carved which has brought me suprising contentment; the area we live, surely one of the most beautiful parts of the world; the plans we have as a family, even if we can’t quite seem how to realise them, that give us something to work towards together; my friends who are always there for me, who describe me, somewhat as a surprise to me, as kind and funny – kind, funny and also very tall (possibly I might already have known about the tall).
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When something terrible happens in life, it really brings into focus the good things. Day to day it would be easy to get bogged down in the literal and figurative crap. But it’s easier to look beyond that. I already used to count my blessings, but now I pretty much only see the blessings.
The short game these days is not always easy but the long game is perfect.
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This is the first time I have tried Josie’s Writing Workshop (so please be gentle!). I chose ‘pick an emotion that best represents your state of mind right now’.
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
The thing is Ella is I AM nodding my head in tacit agreement.
Happiness is not always easy to find, so glad you are finding it in the midst of everything x
I am x
It’s hard not to be critical of oneself, especially when your standards are high. But I think you’re a brilliant writer, and like Eva, I nodded my head in agreement, too. Nice to read your happier thoughts
Thank you for saying that Donna.
I enjoyed writing some happy stuff for a change, even if it doesn’t come easily!
Lovely to read of your happiness x
Thanks DD x
I am nodding too. I love your writting style and I also love Elbow!
Clearly you have very good taste then! x
Ella thanks so much for stopping by my blog because now I have discovered yours! Really enjoyed your last few posts. Reading your story makes me feel ashamed that I am filling my blog with middle age angst. You have seen the other side of what real unhappiness can be and you now understand how to find beauty in the every day. That is so powerful in this post. I look forward to coming back again. Hx
Thank you Heather x
You definitely don’t need to worry about what you write on your own blog! Our lives changed and I blog about that now, but my worries before William became ill were just as important to me back then. It’s all relative so please don’t apologise!
I’ve added your blog to my feedreader, glad to have found you!
Like Like Like Like I am one big sopp !! cry at the drop of a hat in hapiness in sadness you name it and I bawl even at TV ad’s lol
I love your writing Ella it is so how I would write if I could its real, it touches you in the right places and is so feel good and honest . I mean even though we have never met I feel like I ahve known you for along time … if I ever get back tot he UK we will have to have a wine or 10 but only good NZ wine of course
Jodes xx
Thank you Jodes, those are really kind words.
I’ve also been known to bawl at TV ads! (I was particularly terrible for that in the weeks after Harry was born!)
And luckily I LOVE nz wine
What a lovely piece. I am another nodder, I really enjoyed reading this and am so glad you can appreciate the happy bits.
Thank you Chris x
Well, you’ve really brought me up short. This was pretty much as I was feeling all last autumn/winter. Most of life was good, and hopeful, and heading in positive directions. But now I’m mired in the day-to-day again. Everything I put my hand to seems to end in frustration or disappointment. Can’t see the way forward at all.
I loved reading this, because it reminded me that deep down, I know that life is good, and that that feeling is stronger than the other stuff. I think you’ve identified the problem exactly (how to write about good stuff without it being sentimental), and I like what you’ve written in response to that problem. I liked having the music playing as I read.
How tall are you, exactly? Did you join in the height chart at Babyrambles recently?
I too go through periods of getting bogged down in the day-to-day. And in those times it is really hard to remember that there is longer term good stuff going on. In fact when I wrote this, I could just as easily have sat down and written all the horrible stuff I was facing that day, so it was a good exercise to think of a longer term emotion. When life is hard it is a bit like motherhood: the day-to-day grind of mothering is hard, but motherhood is simply wonderful.
I am nearly six foot, which would be fab if I were supermodel skinny
For someone who says they cannot write satisfactorily about stuff like this, you have written this absolutely brilliantly.
Thank you Rosie x
This was such a beautiful post.
Thank you Michelle.
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