The doctor found a lump. In my breast.
‘It’s unlikely to be cancer,’ she said immediately as I sat in slight shock, my feet swinging over the edge of the examination table like a small child. ‘However I will be referring you straight away.’
And then I went home as if nothing had happened. Except with the private knowledge that there was a lump in my breast.
*********
She thinks it’s not likely to be cancer because I’ve had problems with this breast for a while now. First there were the milk blisters and blocked milk ducts. Then there was pain and stuff that just didn’t seem right so I had procedures done after which I was given the all-clear.
I am torn between burying my head completely in the sand about this and frightened half to death about what it might be. I know statistically I don’t fit the profile. I’m relatively young. I’ve had previous problems. I have pain. These things are, actually, reassuring because they mean the chance of it being cancer is low.
But I have a lump in my breast. And each time I stop to think about it they are heart-stopping moments of fear.
Photo: Sam Ilic
{ 74 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh! I’m sending you all the good, hopeful thoughts I can. I’ve been putting off doing all of those sorts of check ups for no good reason and now it’s become A Thing. I really need to make some appointments. I hope everything is resolved for you very soon.
Don’t put it off Sally. It was only the breast screening clinic turning up at my doctors that prompted me to make an appointment. Wish I had done it sooner.
Oh Ella, big hugs hun xxxx
thank you x
God, as if you haven’t been through enough. I will be keeping everything crossed that you are given the all-clear again x
thanx jen x
Crappity crap. Wishing I could say something more useful though.
crappity crap about sums it up
Sending all the hugs and good thoughts your way and hoping, hoping, hoping it’s nothing.
thank you
I was where you are this time last year. I really want to be encouraging, although in my case, it turned out I had to get my head out of the sand pretty darn quick. They do investigate a huge number of lumps that turn out to be nothing. I’d hold onto that for the time being if I were you.
I don’t know what to say to be helpful, except if you want to email me, please please feel free to do so.
I’ve been looking forward to meeting you at Cyber Mummy.
I’m looking forward to meeting you too.
I would like to email you too if that’s ok, but I’ll wait till i’m a bit less emotional
I’ve been there too, it can be terrifying. I was a nervous wreck until it all came back clear. Mine was an infected duct and cleared with antibiotics – but a lump, and very scary.
Sarah, thanks for that. I’ve had infected ducts in the past but I’m not breastfeeding at the mo so the doc is more concerned this time. A good poke about with a needle will probably give them more idea what I’m dealing with
Hi Ella, I’m not a regular commenter but I wanted to add my story. Like Iota, I too have been where you are now. I was told it was very unlikely to be cancer because of my age and because I had pain and my breast was lumpy rather than one lump. It turned out it was one of the less agressive forms of cancer and I’m doing well now.
It’s probably not a story you want to hear but if you’re anything like me you may be imagining the worst and so I hope my story can give you hope that even if it is not good news, it is not necessarily the end of the world. Please feel free to email me if you would like to. x
I am (rather unsuccessfully) trying not to imagine the worst but it is good to hear that even bad news is not devastating.
My heart goes out to you ella. As if you don’t have enough on your plate. Huge big hugs and email me anytime. xx
thank you xx
I’m so sorry……I would bury my head in the sand too….if only to give yourself some respite until you know what it is. I can only imagine that it would take your breath away and make your heart stop every time you think about it.
I hope you get those answers very very quickly. XX
thank youx
Oh bollocks Ella sorry to read that. Sending you lots of strength and good wishes.
ta hun x
Oh Ella, so sorry to hear about this. I am keeping everything crossed for you.
thanks julie
Goodness how frightening. I hope it is found to be something very minor but I can understand why you would be worried.
Thanks Sara
Sorry to read this Ella, I will keep my fingers crossed for you.
Thanks Richard.
Oh honey, so sorry to read this. I really hope it turns out to be nothing. (((big hugs)))
Thanks Wendy, I appreciate that x
Good luck, I will be thinking of you.
Thank you.
I hope it turns out to be nothing Ella, take care.
Thanx Gwen
Stay positive girlie
Will do
Hugs to you Ella, stay strong and I will be hoping for the best for you.
Thanks Sarah
Been thinking of you today, hope you’re keeping your head in the sand!
Have been for the last week
How very scary.Hoping it is indeed nothing too scary and wishing you all the best.
Thank you gm.
Oh Ella, you have got so much on your plate as it is. Thinking of you, really hoping that you are right to think it is nothing and sending you big hugs. Looking forward to meeting you at cyber mummy. x
Thanks Emily. And looking forward to meeting you too. (Is your name public? Let me know if not, I’m never sure!)
Thinking of you Ella. Stay strong, you will get through this.
Thanks mary
Oh my I have only just read this Ella. I am so sorry that you are having to go through this. I hope that all is OK, it is the waiting that is terrible. If you need a chat feel free to e-mail me. Life can be shit
Thanks Mad xx
Sending prayers and good thoughts your way. I hope you are able to find out the results soon so that you don’t have this “mind game” playing in your head.
Thanks Amy, I appreciate that.
I’m so sorry that you have a lump that may or may not be malignant. I really hope it’s just benign, and it’s a good thing to catch it early whatever it is.
That’s a beautiful photograph by the way.
Thanks violet.
I can’t take credit for the photo, but it is stunning isn’t it?
All my thoughts. I had a similar thing happen to me, and it turned out not to be cancer, but it was damn scary. Email me anytime.
Thanks, as always, Jodi. Glad yours was a postive outcome.
Oh my darling, sending you positive thoughts and hugs xxx
Twitter: sandycalico
Thanks Sandy x
Sending you good vibes that all will be well.
Thanks Penny
Keep thinking positively! You’re going to be okay.
I will Carrie
Ella honey please tell me if there is anything I can do. A girls night out? Chat? Please let me know xx
Thanks Liss x
I understand how you feel. Every once in a while you forget about it, then it all comes back to you as a wave of anxiety. I also have a lump and am soon going in to check it out. My three girls keep me wonderfully busy so I don’t have much time to think about it, luckily. Hopefully, it will be a minor thing that can easily taken care of. If anything, such scares help us remember the importance of those around us. Wishing you strength and hoping you get enough sleep xx
Hope you get good news too Marijke.
Stay strong Ella x
thanx julia
I really hope it turns out to be nothing, please keep us posted.
I will Helen, thanks.
Oh Ella I am so sorry to hear this. I was just checking back in after being out of the blog world for a couple years. I hope everything works out and it is nothing. Hugs!
Hi Mommyd, it’s so lovely to hear from you, I often think about and your little tribe. I’ll be by to see if you’re blogging again x
Sending positive thoughts, I hope that you get good news about this soon. Do let us know xxx
Thanks Kelly, I will keep you posted x
Just a quick update: no news yet, I’ve had bloods done and the initial examinations, will have further ‘stuff’ done shortly. Thanks for all the comments, I really do appreciate them xx