From the category archives:

All Gone Wrong

Even the house aches with emptiness

February 21, 2008

‘We can all have breakfast together now,’ I say brightly but my heart aches with emptiness. Two nights ago I was awake from 2am sitting with my poorly dog. Last night I was awake from 3am, grieving for her. ********* ‘Defa doesn’t seem quite herself this evening,’ I say to Matthew as he gets home [...]

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Enjoying these days

November 22, 2007

The dog is home and until last night was doing basically okay. Tuesday’s test confirmed pancreatitis and a shortenened life expectancy. Today she is very sick again. If she is going to be repeatedly sick and/or in and out of the vet for stressful overnight stays we will have to consider her quality of life. [...]

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When what you’re doing might not be enough

August 23, 2007

William is my boisterous four year old. He is in many ways still my baby: not wanting to leave me when he goes to preschool, still sucking his fingers and unable to leave his muzzy comforter at home, still needing cuddles. But in many other ways he is so obviously not a baby: he is [...]

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All over again

February 12, 2007

Monday ‘Where’s Brax?’ the cleaner asks brightly when she arrives. ‘We buried her this morning,’ I reply glumly, tears pricking at my eyes. Sunday I clear away breakfast, watching Brax carefully. She and I have been up since three, seeking comfort in each other as she struggles to breathe. My parents are on their way [...]

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Onwards but not upwards

February 9, 2007

One month ago today my dog died. Today I got a call from the vet telling me that our surviving dog is showing signs of having the same disease that Brin died from. On Tuesday I will be taking her to the same referral vet in Bristol that called me with the devastating news about [...]

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Overcoming failure-to-thrive

February 7, 2007

Every year Matthew is home for the twelve days of Christmas. It’s a tradition in our household and we spend it doing family things, visiting friends and family and on twelfth night we take down the Christmas decorations and put up our eldest son’s birthday party decorations. It’s a good way to round off the [...]

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In which the grief is compounded

February 2, 2007

‘I know what you’re going through. Exactly what you’re going through,’ I say as we hug each other tight. ‘I can’t cope with losing her,’ he says. ‘Are you sure you have to put her down today? She seems so bright,’ I say through my tears. ‘I don’t know, I just don’t know.’ My father [...]

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Bad news comes in threes

November 26, 2006

Last weekend Matthew received a phone call from his family, one of those phone calls which starts with ‘you’d better sit down, I’ve got bad news’. We are all still reeling from the call. He has spent this weekend visiting his family. It feels like he has been away every weekend for about two months [...]

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