From the category archives:

Not Enough Children

Where does my time go?

March 4, 2010

I held you, mottled pink and silicon-fat arms. I gazed at you, with amazement and fright. I fed you, in the dark hours when the world had stopped except for us. I rocked you, when nothing else helped. I changed you, picked up after you, I helped you to walk. I weaned you, I tickled [...]

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’til my heart hurts

October 12, 2009

I love my children ’til my heart hurts. There is no other way to say it. I watch my first born, my beautiful sweet seven year old, struggle with so much at the moment and I feel so unable to help him. Even if I knew what was wrong, I don’t know if I can [...]

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Monday

September 6, 2006

Walking down the hill I feel his small hand tighten around mine. He looks at me with unshed tears in his eyes, his sombre face betraying his nervousness. ‘I’m really excited,’ he says looking down the long road. There is silence as we walk. I resist the urge to issue helpful instructions. The last week [...]

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Family life

August 1, 2006

With a newborn in the house and two pre-schoolers thrown in on top, time is at a premium. Add in school holidays and ‘me’ time becomes almost non-existent. I have been blogging at one site or another for nearly two years now. My tagline for most of that time should have been “WATCH ME FALL [...]

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Hot summer days

July 25, 2006

The flies land randomly, lazily, on the dishes by the sink. The blinds shudder at the threat of a slight breeze. Outside, the stains on the drying laundry disappear under the fierce stare of the sun. The baby feeds sleepily. The two older children sleep sweatily in their beds, worn out by the heat and [...]

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Out here

July 13, 2006

I’m walking through the fields, ripe with wheat, each step feeling a little lighter as I leave the long day behind. The baby, his skin enraged by eczema, sleeps his exhausted sleep so I sneak out, the golden fields beckoning me. The dogs race ahead of me, behind me, startling birds and rabbits. The cool [...]

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Boys, boys, boys

June 30, 2006

On Sunday my husband and the boys made popcorn and lined up in a row on the sofa to watch the England v Ecuador world cup match. I even made Matthew hold the baby, reminding him that he shouldn’t absent-mindedly feed the newly-weaning baby popcorn – the beer would be okay, but the popcorn might [...]

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Need

March 24, 2006

My baby is a ‘needy’ baby (what baby isn’t?). But standing in the kitchen this morning, looking out at the beginnings of spring sunshine, I was suffused with such an overwhelming feeling of love for this little boy. He may be ‘needy’ but the truth is I need him as much as he needs me.

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